Extra-marital cohabitation as a pastoral problem

One of the emergent questions of our Christian society is how to treat the increasing problem of the extra-marital cohabitation, what is saying to that the church and the civil society.    

The Foundation Studium Academicum together with the Foundation Fundament from the Netherlands has discussed this topic at the conference organised at 20th of August in Fugyivásárhely.

“Where is no chance could be hope” - said Balogh Barnabás in his introduction devotion, illustrating the message with the example of biblical Hagar. Every desert contains a boiling, namely every beyond hope, anxiety and aimlessness keeps carrying the possibility of salvation, even for people who are living in marriage or out of it. This message has to be transferred to all the souls who are looking and applying different (many times faulty) results.

The seminar was built on three lectures. The two representatives of the foundation Fundament, rev. Henk de Vries and rev. Bert Woudt, have approached the topic in biblical guided lectures. The ensuing supplementary lecture from rev. Kovács Szabolcs has enumerated some Christian-social standpoints.

The first lecture has indicated through enumeration of biblical point of views that this question was present in the life (even in the biblical society) of every day.

The mentioned biblical verses have motivated the audience to deal in right time and open with this theme in the Christian families; giving the possibility to educate the children for a healthy lifestyle.

The second lecture sketched some instructions of pastoral methods concerning the cohabitation. Although the lecturer recognised that the practice of the Dutch and Transylvanian church is different, but in the basic Christian pastoral questions there is agreement.

The lecture has mentioned the different perceptions and reactions of the different communities (provincial and town), and in conclusion has specified some practical advises for the surfaced cases: don’t judge simply the affected people, ask about the reason, the demand. Don’t talks beside the point, the thinks should be named at their name; the recognition of the out way is possible just with the participation of the affected people, and not through judgement over their head.

In the third lecture of the day - in the supplementary lecture from Kovács Szabolcs - were formulated the theological-sociological factors of the phenomena.

The lecture had three key ideas:

• The marriage, as a community blessed by God
• The frequent occurrence of the life-partner relation  
• Pastoral possibilities

The cohabitation firm influencing conditions were also composed:

• the dependence of the family on the social changes   
• the firm influence of the folk traditions
• the psychological background

The illustration of the pastoral possibilities was introduced by a Goethe citation than he enumerated much feasibility: 

“If we accept the people, who they are, than we make them worse. If we reckon them as they should be, than we make them as they could be” (Goethe)

In the lectures followed discussion were many questions broached up: How was the past and how is the actual pastoral practice in the western and local churches? Which solutions are coming to the surface in the cases of the violence in the family? What is happening if the “child” is following its way against of the wish of parents, could we simply disown?

The former practice of the church was the interpretation of sin, namely they were considering just the vertical standpoints. In the pastoral praxis of to day they tune in seriously of the horizontal, namely of the invisible factors of the relation between the people. In this wise they consequently attaching importance to get know the soul in every question, and they accentuating the formulation of the comprehensive recommendation to save the soul.

At the end of the conference the lecturers and participants leave contentedly, than it has given opportunity to get know new perspectives and possibilities.